[Compulsive] Thinking is Exhausting

Have you ever woken up from an intense, vivid dream in which you were being chased or had to overcome an incredible physical obstacle? When you wake up from these types of dreams, do you feel well-rested? I definitely don't. After waking up from dreams like these, it's almost as if my physical body is exhausted from all the energy my dream-self has exerted. This experience may sound strange, but our subconscious minds do have a direct link to our physical bodies. This is even more true for our daily conscious experiences.

Have you ever planned a trip home to visit family, planned to move to a new city, planned to go on a run, or planned to cook a big meal? Do you ever get so lost in your thoughts, fears, or worries about the future of an activity that by the time you get to a place where you can actually take steps towards your goals, you can't perform them because you are physically exhausted and overwhelmed just at the thought of it? This has been the source of why a lot of my dreams and desires have yet to manifest. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by the big picture, that I find it difficult to break down the steps and tackle them one at a time.  

Unlike our subconscious mind, our conscious mind has the ability to control which thoughts stay or go - that is, if we know and understand what it means to be fully present in the NOW. If we have yet to master the art of being in the now, some of us tend to fall at the hand of compulsive thinking. If you've ever experienced intrusive thoughts or compulsive thinking you know that over time, this pattern only breeds stress, anxiety, depression and feeds insecurities. Even if my thoughts have good intentions at first, without practicing conscious awareness and grounding myself in the present, I'm easily swept away and find myself harping on the past or anticipating the untold future.

It can look a little something like this:
( https://vimeo.com/123217584 )

    

Although this is a silly video representation of my thought patterns, anytime I become obsessed with a thought about a past event or how the future will play out, I am keeping myself from being able to fully embrace and accept the present moment - and this is disheartening. Getting sucked into a spiral of thought can only lead to one thing = being spat out forcefully and left a bit wounded and feeling depleted.

Not only is compulsive thinking exhausting, but it's also potentially dangerous. Like all forms of energy, our bodies have limited resources. If we unconsciously allow our body's energy to be used for over-analyzing, worrying about the future, or anticipating other people's reactions, we won't have the necessary resources to retrieve once we are ACTUALLY in these scenarios we've been anticipating. In addition, compulsive thinking seems to be a breeding ground for mental hindrances. It is nothing more than the birthplace of other real physical ailments ranging from migraines, to stomach ulcers, bad digestion, acne, drug/alcohol addictions, vascular diseases, heart failures, and even cancers. Our minds and our thought patterns are directly linked to the state of our physical body's health. If you haven't truly accepted this fact yet, just know that you are not alone. It's a difficult truth to swallow, but it's certainly not one to ignore.

Over the past few months I've realized a couple of really important things:

     1. I've been identifying myself with my compulsive thoughts for over a decade!
Instead of being able to acknowledge thoughts and let them go, I tend to cling on to them for dear life. Because of this, I have spent a number of years labeling myself as  'whimsical', 'indecisive,' 'anxious', 'fearful', and sometimes even 'not good enough'. What's unfortunate about individuals who have learned to identify themselves by their thought patterns, is that they no longer feel that they have the freedom to act outside of those labels. It's time for new patterns of thought to emerge so that we can shift our self-perceptions! Our identities are not bound by previous patterns of thought, our identities are based on our ability to embrace the NOW, and how we choose to live in the present moment. 

    2. I don't have as much control over my conscious thinking as I'd like to.
Much like a raccoon, who becomes easily distracted by shiny objects, I tend to either compulsively analyze or obsessively worry about any and every thought that enters my brain space. Only when I am deliberately practicing conscious awareness do I feel capable of releasing these unnecessary thoughts. Yes, for most people, there is always a choice in how we react to a thought or an event. However, for individuals who struggle with any forms of ADD/ADHD, anxiety, depression, or any other mental disorder, it is more difficult for them to understand their ability to slow down or stop an intrusive, compulsive thought. I have personally chosen to tackle this struggle by going to cognitive behavioral therapy and the results have been phenomenal. Of course I still find myself falling back to default thought patterns every now and then. But overall, having therapy as an additional resource and tool to lean on in this process has been one of the greatest gifts I've ever given myself.

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Because I am and have always been an over-analytical soul searcher, it's important for me to understand my own thought patterns. Since I've chosen to look at and understand my own patterns of thought, I've learned that perspective - how we choose to see ourselves and our world - is THE determining factor for whether or not we will deem ourselves as sane, happy or successful. And perspective comes through practicing conscious awareness, being fully present in the now. 

Every moment is an opportunity to choose to be present. Once we can grasp conscious awareness as a concept, we can start using it as a resource for dealing with life. This is the moment when we stop feeling like victims to compulsive thought patterns, and we begin feeling empowered by the fact that every moment is an opportunity to choose how we will perceive ourselves, our thoughts, and our circumstance. How liberating!

Can we all agree that [compulsive] thinking is exhausting!?  If we were able to stay in the present moment, and not allow habitual thinking patterns to overtake our minds, perhaps we wouldn't deplete our energy by rattling off what we might do, or what could happen, in the future. If we would consistently take deep breaths, call on our conscious awareness, and make deliberate choices about what is best for us in the present moment, maybe then we'd still have the necessary energy left over to actually see our internal desires and goals manifest. Just a thought.....  :)


By practicing the tips below, we are able to move closer and closer to deliberate thinking, and further away from the nonsensical compulsive thinking that only breeds anxiety, depression, and other mental blocks. The goal here is to stay present enough to let our true selves shine:

1. Deep breaths:
We've all heard this one before. It sounds so simple, but you'd be surprised at how little you actually pay attention to your breathing patterns throughout the day. Staying conscious about taking deep breaths, especially during a stressful circumstance, has really helped me. It may sound silly, but I've even made calendar reminders for myself at times. Whatever works for you!

2. Journal:
If you're anything like me, you have A LOT of thoughts. Sometimes it's good to just purge them because once they are out, they can't occupy the space you need to fill with more productive mind activity. Harping on the same themes/subjects over and over never gets us to a healthy mental space. (That poor dead horse. He's been beaten enough!) Sometimes, it's best to just get our thoughts out so that we can give ourselves a mental break and refocus on the things that actually matter - such as, the present moment.

3. Ground yourself to the present moment:
Eckhart Tolle talks about this in his book, THE POWER OF NOW. There's something very healing that takes place when we slow our minds and focus on all of our 5 senses: sound, sight, touch, smell and taste. It ground us in the present and reminds us that there is enough going on right now to embrace. In order to be fully conscious, practice paying attention to, and engaging with, each one of your senses. If you start to feel as if you are being swept away by your thought patterns, ask yourself what you hear, see, feel, smell or taste in your immediate environment. This will help ground your mind to your physical body and it's current physical surroundings. It's a challenging practice to say the very least, but it comes with great reward when you are able to implement it.



*If you have additional tips on how to stay present, please leave your contribution in the comments below! 


Love yourself enough to slow down. Just because everything/everyone is spinning out of control around you, doesn't mean that YOU have to join them.

Happy thinking!
With Love,
Dani Stylie

The Aspirational Self

It has occurred to me that instead of living out exactly who we are where we currently are, majority of the individuals in my immediate culture (including myself) seem to be living from a place of who they could be, or who they want to be sometime in the near future. And because we have given this aspirational self so much power over our daily thoughts and behaviors, it's affecting the way in which we view ourselves, as well as the way we perceive others. What's unfortunate about this progression is that while our intentions may be 'good' (i.e. wanting more success for ourselves and our families, etc...), the adverse effects are not. I say this because the effects of living through the aspirational self run deep inside of us, and they are directly linked to our self-worth and value as human beings. 

While I understand the benefits of being proactive, progressive and forward thinking, my concern lies in the fact that in order to make room for this "future self" that has yet to arrive, our present selves are being forced to sacrifice way too much. In my opinion, there's simply not enough room for both aspects of self to flourish simultaneously - especially at the speed at which we desire; instantaneously.

Everything in moderation, right? But I have to wonder if we (collectively) are in too deep at this point to back-track and re-gain genuine balance of the three aspects of self; past, present, future. I wonder if we still have a chance to pull our heads out of our future selves' asses and if we still have the opportunity to bring our present selves back to its rightful position: *Captain of the Ship. 

*The "ship" is our minds...

Somewhere in between the time we were born and our present adulthood, someone or something started whispering illusory ideas into our minds at our most vulnerable moments. Those voices usually sound something like, "Inherent human worthiness is not enough. You must achieve goals, overcome adverse obstacles, or create something of tangible, monetary value in order to earn human worthiness." Or, if you are a really emotional/dramatic soul like my self, it sounds more like, "You pathetic, lazy person. Why can't you do anything right? Everyone around you is successful, why don't you have anything to show?" (Yes, admittedly, I can be a tad bit self destructive every now and then....)

Despite what the aspirational self voice sounds like for you, I believe we all have it somewhere inside of us. It's usually the voice that is motivating us and propelling us forward to dream, accomplish, produce, create, dream bigger, overcome, achieve more, travel farther, stack more paper, etc. etc. etc...It can be comforting and supportive one minute, and then sabotaging the next. It can be peaceful and understanding, or it can be harsh and self-deprecating.

As a culture, it seems that we'll always deem self-motivation and self-discipline as great qualities to acquire - especially if they have a healthy and balanced voice. But even then, how far will we allow that to go? How much criticism can our present self take from our aspirational self? What are the boundaries here? Will we ever be satisfied and happy, or will we always be chasing down a version of ourselves that we don't believe already exists? It's a fine line. A very fine, blurry, confusing line.

A few things I am having to remind myself of lately:

1. You are exactly where you need to be. Stay Present.
2. Patience is more than a virtue, it's everything.
3. Self-compassion may not always come easily, but it's critical.
4. Respond to your times of struggle and suffering as you would to a friend.
5. Do your best to integrate your past self and your future self with your present self, because when the past and/or future self takes the lead, clarity is lost.
6.  Keep dreaming, but stay grounded.
7. One step at a time.
8. It is OKAY to be a human-being sometimes. You don't always have to be a human-doing.
9. Despite what you create, produce, achieve, acquire, you are imperfectly perfect and inherently worthy of life, love, and this whole existence experience.
10. Deep breaths. Get out of your head and anchor your physical body to the physical realm and lean in.


Thanks for your comments/thoughts on the subject.

With Love,
#danistylie