The Aspirational Self

It has occurred to me that instead of living out exactly who we are where we currently are, majority of the individuals in my immediate culture (including myself) seem to be living from a place of who they could be, or who they want to be sometime in the near future. And because we have given this aspirational self so much power over our daily thoughts and behaviors, it's affecting the way in which we view ourselves, as well as the way we perceive others. What's unfortunate about this progression is that while our intentions may be 'good' (i.e. wanting more success for ourselves and our families, etc...), the adverse effects are not. I say this because the effects of living through the aspirational self run deep inside of us, and they are directly linked to our self-worth and value as human beings. 

While I understand the benefits of being proactive, progressive and forward thinking, my concern lies in the fact that in order to make room for this "future self" that has yet to arrive, our present selves are being forced to sacrifice way too much. In my opinion, there's simply not enough room for both aspects of self to flourish simultaneously - especially at the speed at which we desire; instantaneously.

Everything in moderation, right? But I have to wonder if we (collectively) are in too deep at this point to back-track and re-gain genuine balance of the three aspects of self; past, present, future. I wonder if we still have a chance to pull our heads out of our future selves' asses and if we still have the opportunity to bring our present selves back to its rightful position: *Captain of the Ship. 

*The "ship" is our minds...

Somewhere in between the time we were born and our present adulthood, someone or something started whispering illusory ideas into our minds at our most vulnerable moments. Those voices usually sound something like, "Inherent human worthiness is not enough. You must achieve goals, overcome adverse obstacles, or create something of tangible, monetary value in order to earn human worthiness." Or, if you are a really emotional/dramatic soul like my self, it sounds more like, "You pathetic, lazy person. Why can't you do anything right? Everyone around you is successful, why don't you have anything to show?" (Yes, admittedly, I can be a tad bit self destructive every now and then....)

Despite what the aspirational self voice sounds like for you, I believe we all have it somewhere inside of us. It's usually the voice that is motivating us and propelling us forward to dream, accomplish, produce, create, dream bigger, overcome, achieve more, travel farther, stack more paper, etc. etc. etc...It can be comforting and supportive one minute, and then sabotaging the next. It can be peaceful and understanding, or it can be harsh and self-deprecating.

As a culture, it seems that we'll always deem self-motivation and self-discipline as great qualities to acquire - especially if they have a healthy and balanced voice. But even then, how far will we allow that to go? How much criticism can our present self take from our aspirational self? What are the boundaries here? Will we ever be satisfied and happy, or will we always be chasing down a version of ourselves that we don't believe already exists? It's a fine line. A very fine, blurry, confusing line.

A few things I am having to remind myself of lately:

1. You are exactly where you need to be. Stay Present.
2. Patience is more than a virtue, it's everything.
3. Self-compassion may not always come easily, but it's critical.
4. Respond to your times of struggle and suffering as you would to a friend.
5. Do your best to integrate your past self and your future self with your present self, because when the past and/or future self takes the lead, clarity is lost.
6.  Keep dreaming, but stay grounded.
7. One step at a time.
8. It is OKAY to be a human-being sometimes. You don't always have to be a human-doing.
9. Despite what you create, produce, achieve, acquire, you are imperfectly perfect and inherently worthy of life, love, and this whole existence experience.
10. Deep breaths. Get out of your head and anchor your physical body to the physical realm and lean in.


Thanks for your comments/thoughts on the subject.

With Love,
#danistylie