Dani Stylie: My Quest to Identify "Self"

It's been 26 years now and truthfully, I am feeling somewhat disconnected from the part of the self that encapsulates "individual identity". It's a strange experience for me to have access to deep self-awareness, but then to not have a solid understanding of who I am or what I am about out here in the tangible world. Don't get me wrong, I have a shit-ton to be thankful for and I have a lot going for me, but there seems to be a missing - or forgotten -piece that would link my inner-awareness to my physical-being, and I am on a quest to find it. Why? Because I believe that accessing this connection will help to propel me creatively, professionally, and personally.

I wonder if I have always felt that my internal self is disconnected from my external self. I wonder if Baby Dani once felt completely connected and somewhere along the way something severed that connection for her - whether that was some type of trauma, American culture and media, being raised in religion and spirituality, or all of the above. I think an important part of my quest initially is to find out if this is something I just need to uncover within myself, or if I'll need to call on my external resources to create, build and maintain this connection.

Everybody's brain is so different. I think my first mistake has been assuming that what works for other people in regards to self-discipline, resiliency, and attainment MUST work for me as well. And it's just not true. I've spent plenty of time being impressionable and attempting to take on the routines of others, and none of it is ever durable enough to fuel me in the long run. These experiments have felt more like a high and less like trial-and-error. This would be a completely different story if I had been taking what works for me and weeding out the rest, but that isn't the case. Instead, I USE the ideas and routines of others to propel me forward just enough to feel as though I am getting that much closer to my personal goals. And while I may be progressing somewhat, I feel as though I could be much more productive, and accomplish more ground, if I could find a way to personalize and brand my very own version of self-discipline and life-balance. Hence, Dani-Stylie.

Everybody has a different personality type. Some people have a structure and routine that they have maintained and kept up with for years, maybe even lifetimes. I just consider myself lucky that I brush my teeth twice a day! I'm the personality type that finds it hard to fathom doing the same types of activities everyday on a particular schedule. The difficulty with accepting this is that I am also the personality type that needs to move, create, and expel this whirl-whind of energy that makes up Dani Johnson. I'm starting to think that perhaps the key is to accept and embrace my present way of going about things (which is usually backwards, side-ways, upside-down, and beating it into the ground), and then start using my creativity to find solutions that fit into what already exists. 

Well, hells bells! A self-revelation! This is why I write.


#danistylie